When it comes to clothes, I must admit I have a flair for the dramatic.  I like cloaks and capes and shawls.  I like swirling skirts and long hems, embroidery and abalone buttons.  I like hats and tall boots. I like lace, velvet, faux fur, silk, leather, and well-sewn linen, and there could never be too much silver for my taste.

Sartorially speaking, I occupy the Middle Ages some days, a gypsy caravan on others, and an Edwardian library at times.  I have been:  a spy, a 19th century writer, a mermaid, an angel, a queen, a peasant, and a million other guises.

All of this is fun for me.

Over the years I’ve noticed that dressing up in this way can make some people nervous or even a little scornful.  All through March, I wore a skirt of layered, emerald green silk, a waisted pinstripe jacket, and tall black boots.  I enjoyed “suiting up” to bring Irish delight to my audiences.  Most people loved it, but a few said it was a bit over the top.  “Good lord,” said one man, “that green is too much!”

I did my best to take this with good grace, but I admit I’m puzzled about how a color can be too much.

In my time I’ve been called too sensitive, too excitable, too suggestible, too emotional, and definitely too colorful.  I’ve also been told I walk with too much bounce (yes, really), that I clap too loud, and that I laugh and smile too much.  I’ve even been told that I’m too nice!

Whew.

This morning I was thinking about what it means, exactly, to be labeled “too much” – or really “too” anything.  I was thinking about the way we curb each other and control the flow and look of life with comments that sting and slice and belittle.

It finally hit me that this, too, must submit to the laws of mathematics.  The equation must balance on both sides.

So here is Kate’s first law of too-muchness:

If X is too much for Y, it stands to reason that Y is too little for X.

That was such a new thought for me, perhaps because like many people, I’ve been well-trained to suspect myself at the least provocation of doing the wrong thing.  If someone is unhappy with me, my first thought is shame:  I’m doing this wrong.  Once again, I’ve failed to do life as a normal, good person should.

What a revelation to realize that my emerald-green skirt is too much for that man, and his khaki outfit is too little for me.  Two-way street, my friend!

Can you see how liberating this can be?

One caveat:  this is not license to be a jerk.  It is indeed possible to talk too much without also listening, or to take too much without considering others, or to be an ass and hog the limelight without giving others a chance.  We want to be discerning, respectful, and kind.  But when it comes to your BEING – to you just being who you are – the first law of too-muchness is very useful and illuminating.

We don’t have to be mean about it or play tit-for-tat (though I do think that the makers of unsolicited comments should know they’re opening up that can of worms).  But what a relief to consider this equation on the heels of a withering or tactless remark!

If you are sailing through life on monarch-wings and your whole family insists you should hide in moth-colored camo…

If you are creating big, gorgeous, operatic music and someone suggests you tone it down and make something that sounds more like the stuff on the radio…

If you feel JOY upwelling in your heart and burst into grateful tears only to be told that you feel too much…

If you want something beautiful, something glorious and alive, and you confess this to someone who tells you you’re foolish to ask for the moon and surely be disappointed…

If you want eight piercings and sixty-four tattoos because you love all the glint and color and someone says you’ve gone overboard…

…then the commenter has revealed that in some crucial way, he or she is too little for you.

Remember, the truth ALWAYS leads to more life, rather than less.  If a “too” comment tempts you to shut down, back off, or in any way cloak your brilliance, your desire, or your truth, it’s simply not true.  It’s just an opinion.

Comments – good and bad – are always self-portraits of the speaker.

Most of us adore you when you show us your color, passion, and genius.  When you walk among people who appreciate these things in you, the equation will read like this:

You are fabulous = I am also fabulous = We are making this life even more fabulous just by existing.

Be a monarch or a moth.  Be a gypsy or a queen.  Wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it in your pocket.

It’s your choice.

To the “too much” brigade, answer a gentle “too little” in your heart.

Because surely, for the right people, the ones who balance lovingly on that equal sign – you are exactly the right amount of you.

Anything else throws off this beautiful math!