I’m talking here to my fellow musicians, singers, poets, storytellers, and performers of all kinds.
By “stink,” I mean: ask questions, state your needs, request and require clarification. Delay assent until you receive it. Be gracious, be respectful – but make a stink. That graciousness is what makes it a “gentle stink.”
It’s not really a stink, either. It feels like that (or it has to me, anyway) until you get used to advocating for yourself, until you drop what I think of as “the babysitter’s habit” of simply taking what you’re given without openly asking what you’ll get – or better, for what you want.
Later, you find out that making a stink makes things easier for everyone. You’re invited to do something. You say what you want and need to make it work. They agree or don’t agree – but there are no unpleasant surprises (or at least a lot fewer of them), no suspense about the details, and no resentment when it’s all over. On either side!
It has taken me YEARS to learn this, but now that I have, it feels like: relief, freedom, self-respect, clarity, peace, eagerness, and gratitude.
I see now that it’s worth slowing the whole booking process down to ask questions and seek clarification. It’s worth clearly stating what I need (rather than merely hoping I’ll get it). It’s worth learning to communicate clearly and kindly – which is to say, powerfully.
Turns out that what you’re really requesting in all this is respect – and it turns out that just by requesting it, you give it to YOURSELF.
Delicious – and well worth the effort to make a gentle stink!
(image by Alexandra Boshevska)
