I promise I will tell you how, but first I must share a confession:
Sometimes, I don’t. Get things done, that is. Sometimes, I simply obey some inner voice that tells me it’s not time yet.
That can be scary because almost daily we are snarled at to “just do it,” or “suck it up,” or “put on your big girl panties.” We’re urged to “kick procrastination in the a**.” While I agree that often some willpower is needed to do hard things, I object to the shame and bullying soaked through these messages. I don’t want to hand over my self-management to such rotten bosses.
Other messages warn that if we don’t do this thing right now we will lose out, miss our chance, or spin out of control. These, too, push rather than lead. They are the wild-eyed prophets of doom, screaming in the street. The energy of fear can motivate you to get things done, but it’s exhausting. Ask me how I know!
I’ve discovered over time that most things are not as urgent as they seem when we’re viewing them through the lens of the rotten boss or the doom prophet. Sometimes if we wait ten minutes, the terrified inner being settles down and stops kicking and we can do the work. Sometimes it takes longer for clarity to come, but when it does, the way forwards is all at once obvious and easy.
If I don’t know how to do something or if I’m resisting doing it, I now ask myself this question:
Can this wait until I’m clearer?
In most cases, the answer is yes.
The trick then is to take it fully off the mental list for a time – an hour, a day, a week. When I do, I relax. A little later, I’ll hear a distinct inner voice that says, “Now!” When that happens, I suddenly know exactly how to answer that tricky email with love, I have the clarity to make the call I’ve dreaded, and I have the strength for the task that felt impossible before.
So that’s my first strategy. Ask if it can wait. Then wait. Then listen for the inner “Now!” Much kinder and even, I’d argue, more efficient than badgering myself with snarky sayings or hysterical warnings.
What if you want or need to do the thing immediately?
Now, if I DO want to move ahead for any reason, and yet I feel even slight fear or resistance, a few simple tactics help me start my engine.
Break it down to the smallest possible action
When I’m stuck I often find I’ve overlooked this simple dictum. If I’m not moving forwards, I need to make the next action even smaller. If writing a page is too big, try a paragraph. If that’s not happening, go for a sentence. And while it might seem ridiculous, you can always write one word. Often that’s enough to open the way. This method works with tax preparation, cleaning, home repair projects – everything.
Use a timer
My favorite tool. I can do anything for five minutes especially in conjunction with the magic phrase, “I just have to do this for five minutes.” Then I’m off and running.
I use a timer with my writing students all the time. It has two great advantages:
- It teaches us that WE turn on the tap and we can do it at will, anytime we wish.
- It shows us how much can happen in a short period of focused time.
It’s amazing what people write in five minutes. If they gave themselves an afternoon or a week, they probably would write nothing at all. In the sweet, small enclosure of five minutes, they feel free to gallop around and enjoy the sunshine. Something beautiful happens.
Make it a luxury
As I always say, add tea and it’s an adventure. A pot of tea makes doing the taxes cozier. A blanket over the knees, a candle, and a cut-up apple and suddenly the writing project is a treat. Write the bills with your favorite pen. Set the stage with music, lovely scents, lamplight, and something nice to eat or drink. I even like to sit beside flowers while I work; they are a wonderful source of luxury and support. One of my favorite questions is “How can I make this fun?” It works beautifully to get me unstuck.
But what if none of that works and I’m still stuck?
After all that, if I’m still stuck, I ask myself how I’m making this thing a bigger deal than it has to be. If I think something has to be perfect I tend to avoid doing it at all. For instance, if I tell myself, “This is a really important show. I have to pull out all the stops,” I’ll probably be too scared to rehearse. If I tell myself instead, “This is a show for people. I like people. Doesn’t matter how many of them there are or how much they paid or what kind of place it is: it’s all people and I like to help people laugh and enjoy themselves,” then I can get on with rehearsing and the whole project feels lighter and more fun.
We’re all in a lifetime apprenticeship with fear and action. We always will be because we’re always growing and taking on new challenges. This is a very good thing.
In all of this, the real work of getting things done is changing a thought that feels bad to one that feels better. We can work from the inside out (change the expectation or the meaning we assign) or from the outside in (change the environment, the timing, or the working method).
Becoming the inner good neighbor
When it came to physical actions like riding a bike, I was a very fearful child. I didn’t understand how people could stay upright on two wheels. It looked like a magic other people possessed that I could never touch. I may never have learned this magic myself but my neighbor, Mr. Helledge, held the bike for me and let me just sit on it while he wheeled it forwards, all the while reassuring me and making me laugh. We did this for a few days until he began to let go the handlebars for a few moments at a time. Gradually, I saw that I was safe, that I could stay upright. He took his hands off the bars for longer and longer periods. I began to feel more and more natural on the bike. I still remember the day when he let me go completely and I glided forwards, exuberant and proud.
As we move through our lives, wanting to move forwards and yet stuck or hesitant for various reasons, the invitation is to become our own inner Mr. Helledge. That’s the voice I want us all to cultivate and trust: You can do this. Easy, now. Little by little. You’re doing great. And then one day: Look – you’re flying!
PS: The beautiful image above was taken by Igor Lypnytskyi of Ukraine. To view more of Igor’s work, please click HERE.
