In Irish, one way to indicate an improvement in one’s health is teacht ar ais chugat féin – literally, “to come back to yourself.”
I love that. It implies that feeling better is a homecoming of sorts – a return to the self we regard as truest, the one that engages with life in the truest way.
Today I want to propose that words – specific, well-chosen, potent words – can perform that curative work for us in the easiest, quickest, most cost-effective bit of doctoring in the world. If you’re feeling a little low, a little lethargic, a little care-worn, playing with words can bring you back to yourself in an instant. (If you’ve broken your leg, please supplement good words with a visit to the emergency room).
Let’s try an experiment
As a dedicated wordsmith, I’ve long recognized the effect of specific words upon my emotional and physical wellbeing and the tone and color of my thoughts. You can try this out yourself very easily with a “matched” pair like “celebration” and “funeral.”
First, say to yourself, “celebration.” Notice your face. Do the muscles register the word in some way? Do you feel, as I do, a tiny lift? Do your thoughts lean in the direction of parties, hugs, good feelings, and possibility? It’s not a full-on party-mood, mind you, but more a slight tilt in that direction – almost like the moment you think you might be smelling cookies warm out of the oven. You’re not sure you’re going to get one, but even the hint of it angles you upward a little bit.
Now try “funeral.” For myself, I feel an instant hit of concern, a slight darkening of the spirit. My face registers a trace of sadness, a drawing together of the brows and a drawing down of the mouth. I’m not looking in the mirror to note that – just paying attention to the link between my face and my mood. “Funeral” has made an impression upon me, however momentary.
What do you think? Do you agree with me that these two very different words produce a different effect on your body and mind and emotions?
If you do, let me offer you a word that you can carry around all day like a picture of someone you love or a seashell from a beach where you once felt joyful and great-hearted.
Meet “Affectionate”
I like to ask myself from time to time, “How do I want to feel?”
Lately, I’ve heard the word, “affectionate,” come gently tapping at the window of my mind.
Affectionate is a gracious word. Some might regard it as a little old-fashioned, but I find it quite sturdy. It’s subtle but strong and it can walk long distances.
It doesn’t require huge displays of neon-colored emotion.
It stands behind the tea table pouring out cups for all and sundry with a kind word and a smile.
It sometimes meanders arm-in-arm with its sister-word, “Fondness.”
It is goodwill plus approval plus allowing of whatever and whoever turns up. It doesn’t need to change anything or anyone.
It doesn’t discriminate but directs its benevolent gaze equally on the old pair of socks and the old cat, the soup pot and the uncle. Children riding bikes? Affectionate takes a moment to enjoy and cherish them. The sun rising out the kitchen window? Affectionate takes a moment to notice and feel the glow of warmth. Everything and everyone come within the purview of Affectionate.
And how lovely to conclude a letter to a friend, “with great affection” or even “affectionately yours.” Could anything inspire continued connection and confidences more surely than that?
Affectionate’s curative properties
I find Affectionate quite restorative. When I look at the world through the eyes of Affectionate, I see dearness everywhere. I notice people being adorable and quirky and interesting. I perceive the warmth and history in objects, their participation in our shared life. Instead of judging someone, I tend to think, “Oh, that dear old X. Her bark is far worse than her bite.”
I feel “auntly.” As in: a smiling, not-quite-in-the-fray presence who is gently amused by everyone and wishes them well. I’m sure the “uncles” feel something similar.
It’s a lovely way to feel and it’s a great restorer of good nature and humor. No need to take everything so seriously. No need to ponder and work things out at length. If you pick up something you like, keep enjoying it. If you pick up something you don’t like, just put it down. The next thing will be more pleasing to you.
Coming back to yourself with Affectionate
Want to try it yourself?
All you need do is say the word: Affectionate. You can garnish this with a few additional phrases if you like:
“I feel affectionate towards everyone today.” Or, “I find myself filled with affection for this dear old world.”
If you give it a try, I would be so grateful to hear how it feels to you and what you experience. Do you see anything differently because of Affectionate? Did your day change in some way?
Thank you, as ever, for “visiting” me here and for taking the time to read my thoughts. I hope you know that I do indeed regard you with true Affection!
PS – I plan to make this a series and today is the very first installment. More word magic to come!
